I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
