Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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