I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
