He kissed a someone with a penis
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
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See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
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You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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