You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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