And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
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Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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