I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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