I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Randomize
