I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
