community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
