at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
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