Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
