You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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