you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
