Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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