I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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