he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
