Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Randomize
