no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
