i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
