I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
