we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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