I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
