I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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