You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
this will be a night to untag.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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