this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
