I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize