know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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