dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
