yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
