i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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