dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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