just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
