Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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