funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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