hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
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