im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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