I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
