Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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