it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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