So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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