So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
