TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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