So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
