Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
