Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
