My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Randomize
