im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
