I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
When are your genitals available?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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