He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
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All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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