whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
