did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
