Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
