Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
