Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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