so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
