we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
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