No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
